we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
