she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
