some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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