so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
