If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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