So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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