she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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