belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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