I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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