FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
