They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
