I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
