Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
