so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
