I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
