This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
