I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
