Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
