If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
