my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
