she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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