My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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