well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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