They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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