ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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