i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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