The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
