She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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