wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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