i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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