This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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