i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
