I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
