Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
