Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
