You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
