I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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