Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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