dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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