Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
