She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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