The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
