i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The best revenge is premature balding
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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