Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
