these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize