My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
