It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
