I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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