Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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