Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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