dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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