Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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