It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize