You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
