My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
