Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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