I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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