I murdered the dance floor call the cops
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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