This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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