New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
