i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
