He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
