It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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