maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
