i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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