You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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