Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
