some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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