apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
