never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
