Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
