why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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