I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
