You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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