Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
