Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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